This Week’s Open Letter: Steve King

Dear Rep. King:

I am writing as a loyal member of the Iowa Democratic Party to ask you to run for Governor of Iowa in 2010. This is your patriotic imperative as an Iowan. I know you have only been in Congress since 2002. I know you have never run in a competitive district. I know you have never run statewide where Democrats outnumber Republicans by more than 60,000 and Independents are the key to elections regardless.

I know you are from Kiron, which is a western Iowa town of 273. A blip on Highway 39 in Crawford County. But you have come a long way, baby. You are a national figure with all upside and you owe it to your fellow citizens to take your message wide.

Here’s what you have on your side:

1. The scorn of the liberal media. Olbermann hates you, put you on top of the program at one point! What was it Quayle said about their scorn as a badge of honor? Yeah! That!

2. The biggest, baddest wall. You have these pikers in Congress beat. You want an impenetrable, electrified, deep-foundation border wall that will keep even stray armadillos out!

3. A national fundraising base. There are minutemen everywhere ready to load up the trucks and haul gas and guns to Sioux City to crank up this campaign! Just keep the chew in stock at the local Casey’s.

4. Tom Tancredo. We’re talking candidate for President here! This dude competed in the Iowa Caucuses and had a campaign for, like, a couple months!! He will rally the forces of the Real America to Iowa, and show them we still have common sense! This guy will explain “anchor babies” for you in Johnson County – he doesn’t give a crap!

5. The English Only Law. This was your real coup. You got Gov. Vilsack to sign a bill making Iowa’s “official language” English. This bill has vexed Democrats including Vilsack since then, and is that rare combination of bad policy (has holes in it that trucks are driven through daily) and bad politics (heats the culture war pot, sewing fear and division.) Nicely done!

Look, I know your seat was supposed to go to Brent Segrist, and that there were even some Democrats who thought that would be okay. I know there is a farce element to your mere presence in Congress because of that three-way convention, but hardly anyone even remembers that’s how you got to Washington, and fewer still know what happened behind the scenes at that convention.

This is a moment. Don’t let it go to waste. Within a few years, Iowa may be the very last haven for WASPs. There are very few counties left in the nation with the homogenous demographic numbers of Sioux and Lyon counties in northwest Iowa. Combat all this mash-up of cultures that Obama and his minions are going to promote with massive infusions of federal money.

This multiculturalism thing, where people of different backgrounds share tolerance, respect and mutual understanding as they work toward the common goal of a better America for their kids, is just a flash in the pan. Trust me, It's a fad.

Its just something concocted by Paris Hilton in a coke-fueled YouTube video that some kid in Newark uploaded in a vain secular humanist attempt to destabilize the minds of impressionable young midwestern American boys and girls who would rather just stay home and watch "It's a Wonderful Life" after the football game this Friday night.

I know you can do this!! Iowa for Iowans!! Say it with me!!

Sincerely,

John Hedgecoth